Backflip

I recently joined a Sogeti indoor soccer team.  Sogeti is the name of the Software Consulting company I work for (if I hadn’t mentioned that already) and itz pretty sweet. I’ve been there for about 18 months and I’m still enjoyin’ it. On one hand itz a little crazy changing “jobs” every 3-4 months and going to a new client. But on the other hand it is completely refreshing and exciting.

Back to soccer, I haven’t played soccer since I was about 8 years old. But at that young age I vowed never to play soccer again and since then I haven’t. While I don’t remember this story, my parents have told it to me so I will tell it to you. I was in a soccer league when I was little and I guess I was on a pretty good team because we got the the championship game. However this meant we were playing late in the season and this particular championship game it was freezing cold and snowing. Now, some activities are fun to play in the snow, skiing/snowboarding, snow ball fights, football (in soft snow), etc. Soccer is not one of them. For one, the ball constantly stops in the snow, which kinda defeats the purpose of the game. Plus falling can be painful and getting kicked when it is below freezing seems so much worse somehow.

Back to the championship game in the snow. It was cold. It was actually so cold my parents were sitting in the car watching the game. I don’t actually know my team won or lost but as I climbed in after the game, I very seriously told them that I would never play soccer again. Seeing the conditions they wisely let the subject drop and figured I would want to play next year when the season rolled around (they figured I was only 8 and would forget by then). But when soccer sign-ups came the next year I refused to play. Itz been that way ever since.

Until this past week, when I broke my childhood vow and decided to play organized soccer once again. This time its indoors so I think I should be ok. And I must say, soccer is fun. I’m not very good (yet) but I’m sure I’ll pick up a few tricks as the season progresses. Who knows, I might even be playing outside before too long.

Thatz right. World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King came out last Thursday. If you didn’t know, itz kinda a big deal (in some circles at least). I had mixed feeling about the x-pansion. I was just getting comfortable with the amount of time vs. enjoyment that I was spending playing WoW. It wasn’t excessive and limited almost exclusively to PvP. It was a somewhat stable balance. Then WotLK reared itz head.

I was a bit nervous that I would plunge into WoW again and leave the real world behind (which I’ve done to a good extent before). The game can be very addicting and since it’s essentially a never ending game the addiction goes on forever. So it can become a problem.

However, I am happy to report that while I am becoming more immersed in WoW again it isn’t to the same extent as in times past (at least not yet). For example, this weekend which would have been a primo opportunity to spend all my available time on WoW turned out to be quite enjoyable and I wasn’t glued to my computer the whole time.

I found time to play in a 500 Euchre tournament at my church (I got 5th, my roommate Dan got 2nd!) on Friday and to go to a little music Jam session with some friends from out of town. Saturday morning/afternoon was spend on WoW but I had a great evening eating dinner at my parents with my brother and sister as well as hanging out at Glenn’s where we had some good times (including 2 movies). Sunday was church and then some WoW and then another movie. 

<Aside> I never thought I watched many movies but I just watched 3 in one weekend, that seems like a bunch</Aside>

So in all, I only played about a total of 16 hours or so this weekend. The BIG weekend of it’s release. Which, in my opinion is pretty horkin’ good.

Also, I was able to back-date the posts from my old site so they are now included in the correct chronological order on this site. Pretty exciting stuff.

Itz interesting. I didn’t realize until recently how fiercely competitive I am. I think it took me so long because I was good at hiding it from myself. I don’t get pissed off or yell and scream at refs or other players. I’m a strong proponent of sportsman-like behavior and I try to keep in mind that “it’s just a game”. However, it has become clear to me that I must win. Itz not even just sports, I actually tend to take those a bit more lightly since they are a game. I think itz more with work, or situations, or people in general.

It pretty much sux. It seems like my mind is always trying to justify why I am better at whatever is going on then somebody else. Itz a drive that can cause anxiety and it can fracture relationships. Even simple things like video games or being funny are somehow turned into a “must-win” situation.

This crazy competitive desire became apparent through 2 instances. First being a conversation I had with my friend Glenn where he was saying he really got into competition (I said I didn’t really, which made me look at it a bit closer). Second being the game – World of Warcraft. If you haven’t heard of the game its a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG). The game setting is ancient times where humans, elves, dwarfs and gnomes battle orcs, undead and trolls. Each human player can control a virtual player. Running around, completing quests, hanging out with other people’s virtual players, joining guilds, making friends and battling other characters. Itz a great game which can be very addictive and consuming if allowed.

I enjoy the Player Vs. Player aspects of the game in which players compete against other players to perform objectives (such as capture the flag). This area of the game really draws me in and I can’t seem to get enough of it. Which is all good and fun until I came to realize (through talking with Greg, a buddy from school) that I get completely pissed off when PvPing, especially on my main character – my priest.

I see now that I get ticked at a number of things:

• I get pissed when I’m not the top healer in the battlegroup. This usually leads to me making excuses and junk when in all reality it doesn’t even matter who heals the most.
• I get ticked when I feel Blizzard (the creator of the game) is not doing a good job of balancing the different classes and abilities. I tend to do this when a certain “overpowered” class keeps killing me in a quick manner. This makes the game “unfair” which really pisses me off. As if anything in life is fair.
• I get pissed that I keep PvPing when I know I should stop. But for some reason I can’t and just keep getting more pissed. I think I want to do something amazing (read: be the best) and when that doesn’t happen I just keep playing to try to achieve that status in my own mind (which is pretty sick).

As you can probably tell I’m a bit ticked right now. It gets me riled up. Hopefully that all makes sense.

As far as what I can do about it, I’m not sure yet. I think a lot of my competitive nature stems from the fact that I’m insecure and deal with that by thinking I’m better then others. Instead of just taking a look at who I am and accepting/becoming comfortable with it. I’m hoping I realize soon that I don’t have to be the best (which brings up the question, how can I determine what is the “best”) and that each person (including myself) has something unique. I shouldn’t have to compare myself to other people to feel significant.

Welcome to the re-invented blog on lukelindeman.com. You’ll notice the old site has been eclipsed by the new blog and while I can sense your disappointment in not being able to stare at its beauty rest assured it will be back someday. For now the blog is going to be the primary purpose/focus of this site and I hope to do a much better job then I did with my last one.

To stay with my old site in a pseudo fashion I am going to transfer the old blog posts from there to here thus you’ll see things being posted that you might have already read. I’m not sure if I can back-date ‘em but I’ll see what I can do to minimize the confusion.

I intend this blog to be an account of some events in my life. Some of my observations on those events. And possibly some ideas or philosophies/ideologies that I view from my vantage point. Feel free to share any of your views/ideas/differing view points that you see, I’d love to hear ‘em.

As far as me, I’m a Software Consultant for Sogeti U.S.A. Right now I’m bouncing between pseudo Project Management and Business Analysis roles. I graduated from Miami University about a year ago with a degree in Computer Science and haven’t done any serious coding since leaving school.

I’m into outdoor activities (whether they be hiking, biking, camping, etc) as well as computer related recreational activities (such as World of Warcraft). And while I was motivated a second ago that seems to have left me so I’m gonna wrap this up and promise more about me later.